This is a story about control, my control
Control of what I say, control of what I do
And this time I’m gonna do it my way
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready? I am
‘Cause it’s all about control
And I’ve got lots of it.
– Janet (Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty)
Back in November of last year, I read posts by a lot of folks in the blogosphere talking about choosing a word or phrase to represent their efforts in the year to come. After some prayer and deliberation, I chose the phrase self-control.
In some respects, I’ve got phenomenal self-control. And now that I’ve written that, I can’t think of a single one to cite for you. Hence the theme for 2012.
I don’t know if it’s the changing seasons, or the sugar high I’m experiencing from the M&Ms in the May basket my niece brought me today, but tonight feels like a time to reflect on how I’m doing in the self-control arena. I’ve got some hits, some misses, but overall I think the theme is bearing fruit in my life.
I’ve had to exhibit self-control when it comes to the self-employment path I’m embarking on right now. I’m the one who’s got to make sure I get down to my desk to log the hours I’m getting paid for in my contract market research gig. I’m the one who has to write the copy I’ve said I would write. I’m the one who has to log my expenses, watch my budget, and keep myself out of TJ Maxx. Even my family has remarked on the fact that, since I left the corporate world, the UPS guy has stopped his regular deliveries of new shoes. CONTROL, I tell you. 🙂
Having a health screen last fall convinced me that self-control was necessary when it came to my physical body. Apparently, now that I’m in my 30s, I can no longer treat my body like a frat party. So, it’s workouts five to six days a week and logging everything I eat in my handy-dandy smartphone app (even when, as was the case yesterday, 75 percent of my calories come from jelly beans). Ten less pounds and 50 fewer points of cholesterol later, here we are. This one isn’t as much fun as the self-employment aspect (tall, gangly kickboxing instructor notwithstanding) but it’s still yielding results.
My quest for greater self-control in the spiritual realm is by far the most difficult. And I know that’s the area that’s going to have the biggest and most lasting results, so of course it’s the toughest. But I’m getting there – getting up at crazy-early hours to read, pray, and journal, making conversation with God the first thing I do every day. After so many years in the traditional workforce, letting my organization leadership set my priorities for my day, it’s exhilarating and terrifying (mostly terrifying) to seek God first for my priorities and my path.
I’m hopeful that these changes will be ones that I take forward into the rest of my days. As Miss Jackson said, this life really is a story about control – my control – of what I say and do. While God is most definitely in control of everything about me, there’s still lots I can do to help myself get and keep in line with Him. And I am (with His help) never gonna stop.